The courtroom was stunned after Lazarus Drake, a vampire, took the stand and testified about his treatment while flying with Happyflight Airlines. “I hope no other vampire ever has to experience the nightmare I went through, it was the most humiliating and hurtful experience of my four hundred and eight year life. When I got to the airport I was selected for a search by security and they asked me to remove my belt, shoes and cape in front of everyone. When I refused to take my cape off in public they took me to a room and asked me lots of personal questions; what’s your name, where are you travelling, are you a vampire? Then they called in a vampire hunter who held me down and removed my cape. After an hour they gave me a bed sheet, I tried to use the bedsheet as a cape but it was humiliating. They didn’t find traces of blood on my cape and released me so I could board my flight … then things got worse.”
The lawsuit comes at a difficult time for Happyflight Airlines, which are trying to convince passengers that it’s safe to fly again despite a rash of recent monster attacks. The situation escalated when Drake asked if he could change seats during the flight. Drake says he requested the seat change because there was too much sunlight in his seating area which resulted in mild burns to his face. The airline claims that Drake reeked of blood, was slurring his words and demanded to be seated in first class. Drake alleges that the flight attendant told him to sit down and lower his voice. It was at that moment when Drake transformed into a bat and began flying around the cabin of the plane. Drake was later subdued and removed by air marshals in cooperation with a local veterinarian who helped tranquilize and captured Drake while he was in bat form. When the flight made an emergency landing in London, Drake was handed over to local law enforcement authorities who then later released him without charges. When Drake awakened from the tranquilizer and was in human form, he discovered that the tranquilizer dart had lodged itself in his posterior. He is also suing the airline for personal injury and claims he is now unable to sit down without pain. Drake denies asking for the seat upgrade to first class, which was not permitted according to his super saver bargain ticket receipt.
“Do I bite the necks of hapless victims and drain their blood until they are dead? Yes of course, I’m a vampire. But I wasn’t planning on killing anyone during the flight that night, and what happened to me during that flight was far worse than any murder I’ve ever committed”, Drake explained.
Leaked footage of the incident has gone viral over social media showing Drake’s cape being taken off by the Vampire Hunter, and Drake attempting to use the bedsheet as a cape. This has caused him severe emotional damage and psychological trauma. “Thankfully I hired Daniel Rotunda. He’s fighting for me”, Drake exclaimed outside of court today. Rotunda, a famous monster civil rights and personal injury lawyer who’s last three cases have all dramatically backfired, resulting in the death of his clients, is really hoping for a win this time.
Another passenger objected to Drake’s removal during the altercation. This individual was also ordered to leave the plane when it landed in London. Franklin Stein, who joins Drake as a plaintiff in the case, claims that he was chased by airline staff wielding torches and pitchforks.
The judge is said to be delivering his verdict later today. Stay tuned to GoodImprov.com for further updates in this case.