An angry mob built an entire city over the weekend. What started as a mostly peaceful protest in the wake of civil unrest due to lowered taxes, descended into widespread construction at sundown on Friday night when two rival groups of angry protestors collided. The ensuing mob of angry people weaved a constructive path for miles building several schools, housing units, grocery stores and naming their new city Renovation. Hundreds of people were seen pouring into newly built department stores and stocking shelves with goods while people wearing balaclavas and gas masks held umbrellas to obscure the authorities from seeing which individuals were causing the construction.
“I’ve lived here since Saturday and I’ve never seen anything like this my entire life.” -Marsha Branch, local resident of Renovation. She continued “when I saw people openly carrying hammers and saws I was scared that violence was about to break out, especially because there were pallets of bricks and stacks of lumber that had mysteriously appeared in the area on Saturday morning. But the mob has been working non-stop over the last three days and I feel like we’re seeing real progress in this city.”
People like to disparage angry mobs and you rarely hear about all the good they accomplish. The city of Renovation is one example of how an angry mob can be a positive force in our communities. Members of the mob installed windows and glass doors on the city hall building, then proceeded inside where they built furniture and hung light fixtures. Chants of “hey hey, ho ho, our taxes are way to low” repeated through the air as protesters marched down the streets they were paving.
On Sunday morning the newly elected Foreman/Mayor Harvey Krust declared a state of emergency and insisted that construction would continue until the protestors demands of higher taxes were met. The city was declared a construction zone once the hammers were in full swing, traffic was interrupted for blocks in all directions and speed fines were doubled as speed limits were lowered to a crawl. It is estimated that without intervention construction could continue unabated for more than 100 consecutive days and spread to other cities.
Law enforcement officials are now looking for those responsible for the construction created by members of the angry mob as all of these buildings were built without proper permits. Police have already made several arrests including:
- – Carl Smith (10-10-94) was arrested for concealing and carrying an unregistered hammer and Felony construction of property. These charges stem from his involvement in building the city hall and two schools.
- – Lionel Johnson (5-21-92) was arrested for violating a noise ordinance during construction of a library, Felony construction of property, criminal scaffolding and 2 counts of building without wearing steel toed footwear.
- – 17 year old male. Arrested for Gross Misdemeanor construction of property and a Probation violation. He is one of the people who was apprehended during the stocking of the department stores.
Police are working to identify another individual who was handing out hearing protection, safety glasses, and other PPE (personal protective equipment). He has not been identified and officers ask that anyone with information about this case contact good improv at firstname.lastname@example.org or text the tip to (555) 555-5555.