Any one of these pets will make its owner an instant sensation with the local neighborhood. Here’s a look at seven pets that will take you to the next level.

1) Giraffe

Born weighing between 100 and 150 pounds, and measuring in at 6 feet tall the Giraffe is the pet you buy if you want to be noticed. Giraffes are not an ideal sized pet for full sized homes, townhouses, and cramped apartments. Giraffes normally thrive in an open environment but can be forced indoors and confined to small areas where your guests will be forced to confront the fact that you bought a Giraffe. The Giraffe is also more than capable of being crate trained if you can find a large enough crate. Owning a Giraffe is like an exotic Great Dane. They don’t require much in the way of walking or exercise, and with enough encouragement they can learn several commands such as sit, stand, and sleep. Giraffes are safe for households that have small children, medium children, or adult children. The Giraffe also has a prehensile tongue which can grip objects, making it a handy pet. Yet hardly anyone owns a Giraffe. Absurd.

giraffe home

2) Hyena

Distill the best elements from cats and dogs and the Hyena is the result. This is a good pet if you desire power in your pet. Dogs can merely chew on bones while a Hyena is able to crush bones with its powerful jaws. Hyenas are a good pet for anyone looking to get rid of a Giraffe. Hyenas are pack animals so they make great pets for single people looking to increase their numbers, or a family that already has a few members. Hyenas love to be cuddled, petted, and are scavengers so don’t trust them around your leftovers. But Hyenas are treated like leftovers that have been in the fridge too long when it comes to choosing a pet. Discarded.

Family with two children lying on grass

3) Warthog

They have razor-sharp tusks, and a natural mohawk haircut. The Warthog exudes charisma with every slick trot of its hooves. The Warthog is the cool animal equivalent of a greaser with a switchblade knife and a lit cigarette. Owning a Warthog is for the type of person that lives life on the edge. Warthogs are good pets for bachelors, or anyone who wants to know where the local watering hole is because a Warthog will lead you right to it. So you would think that there must be a lot of people that own a Warthog, right? Wrong.

man cave hog

4) Crocodile

Available in regular or albino, the Crocodile is a good choice of pet if you’ve owned snakes before and want more of a challenge. This really only applies to the type of person who would own a snake to begin with. People who understand the allure of owning a cold-blooded calculating creature. These type of people would also be attracted to pets like spiders, scorpions, and certain types of fish. But hardly anyone owns a vicious crocodile! Sad.

living room croc

5) Opossum

If you’ve owned a dog before then you’re practically used to owning an opossum already! Tail? Check. Fur? It’s there. Razor-sharp teeth? You betcha! Opossums are omnivores, so they’ll eat dog food if that’s what you’re used to buying. If you only have cat food, opossums are fine with that too. Only have fruits and vegetables? No worries, the opossum will still survive. You can even name your opossum the same as you would name a dog. Number of opossum owners in North America? One.

bedroom opossum

6) Pine Beetle

Their numbers have been described as the largest forest insect blight in the history of North America. So if you want to do your part against the insect blight, then pick up one of these beetles and take them in as a pet. Every beetle you remove from the forest will help save the earth. The pine beetle only lives for about one year, two maximum. They have four life stages, egg, larva, pupa, and adult. This gives you a perfect reason for leaving the Christmas tree up all year. Except for a few days during summer when the beetle will look for new trees to attack, they live most of their life underneath bark. But most people would rather hear the bark, of a dog. Shame.

small tree beetle

7) Lava

People used to go wild for pet rocks. Lava eventually becomes rock once it’s cooled. So you have the rare novelty of owning a pet lava before your lava becomes a pet rock. This will also help reduce climate change. By removing the lava from volcanos the earth will experience a cooling effect, much similar to that of lava itself. Once the Earth has reached the desired temperature we can slow the harvesting of lava to a sustainable rate. Unless pet lava becomes very popular, in which case we’ll mine it constantly for unending economic growth.

swimming pool lava

So what do you think? Will your next pet be one of these? Tell us in the comments.

What do you think?

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