The Wild World Of Sports: Sharks

The sports world has radically changed since rules were amended to allow animals to compete alongside and against humans in amateur and professional sports.

Take swimming for example. Humans were the dominant force in the sport of swimming before sharks were allowed to compete. Now humans are too scared to even get back in the water let alone win.

Michael Phelps commented “I’ve taking up jogging, painting, anything to keep me out of the water. Please don’t make me go back.”

Australia captured several gold medals following their capture and subsequent entry of a Great White shark in various swimming competitions in the Summer Olympics. “It was real easy to do, I just punched the shark in its gollywodger (sic) and the shark calmed right down. Then I stuffed it into a team Australia jersey and let the shark do what it does best. Win a swim race,” said Mick Didgeridoo, the head coach of Australia’s swim team.

Shark and swimmer

Some countries withdrew their athletes, while others chose to participate in an effort to claim medals for their country.

The head coach of Team Denmark’s swimmers, Hans Cruller was ejected from the Olympic stadium after launching into an expletive filled rant in opposition to the inclusion of animals at the Olympic games. He stated “It’s ridiculous, I mean look at it. It’s a Great White shark! This is a sham! a total sham of a race! This shark has eaten three swimmers already at the speed trials, this is absurd,” to a room full of mixed reactions from the public. One reaction he received that wasn’t mixed, but rather very clear, was from the security personnel who removed him for unsportsmanlike behavior.

Canada apologized for withdrawing it’s athletes from swimming with the shark, but stated that sharks coming to Canada would be welcomed with open arms. Other countries that surrendered their chance of obtaining a place on the podium include France, and the United Kingdom.

Japanese athletes bravely swam against the fierce predator where they faced certain death, as the shame of bowing out of the challenge would result in death, certainly. As of the writing of this article they have all died.

Stay tuned for our upcoming coverage of the first ever kangaroo to compete in the high jump.

What do you think?