Saving money can be hard. Here are seven silly ways to do it:
1) Snake Pits
This will motivate you to leave the money where it is as you won’t want to be bitten by a venomous snake. This motivates you to avoid withdrawing the money, and thus the money in your snake pit will grow. The snake pit also provides a natural defense against would-be thieves trying to plunder your savings.
Annual bank robberies: 5600+
Annual snake pit robberies: 0
2) Black Holes
Not economically viable for most people who lack the resources to travel into space, but for the select few this is a surefire way to make sure that you don’t sip into the savings that you’re trying to accumulate. If your money is sitting in a bank account you will be tempted to spend it. However, if your money is in a black hole it will be safely beyond your grasp. It will stay put as it reaches the singularity where physics become theoretical. The average safe can be cracked by an amateur with a stethoscope. The best physicists on the planet can’t crack a black hole.
What type of volcano you choose depends on how soon you want to be able to access your money. If the volcano is dormant it offers more long term stability. But if the volcano is active then any money you put into it may erupt from its gaping crater once enough pressure has accumulated. The catch is that active volcanoes generate far more interest than dormant volcanoes do. People speculate on dormant volcanoes, but the active ones generate the most interest, and any accountant worth their salt will tell you that high interest rates can be favorable for your savings. If your money melts then you will have liquid assets which you can convert to cash later.
We’ve all heard legends about pirates burying their treasure, most of which is based on fictional stories. But there is a kernel of wisdom in the idea of burying your valuables. For example, the Pharaohs of ancient Egypt buried their valuables beneath the pyramids. Many of those valuables are now considered so valuable that they are priceless. Pharaohs buried their treasure so that they could access all of their hard earned wealth in the afterlife, where riches are very important. Just don’t forget where you buried your valuables!
According to a recent study, people who died spent 100% less money than people who are alive. If you’re looking to save some cash this is a surefire way to reduce your spending and puts more money back into your pocket. Just make sure that you don’t have an expensive death to avoid unnecessary costs. The less you spend in life, the more you’ll have in death.
This one is similar to death, but rather than die you can simply sleep. Of course there’s a chance that you will die in your sleep, leading you to save even more money, but lets assume that you will survive your slumber, at least for long enough to save some serious cash. Every second you spend sleeping is a second that you aren’t spending money. Not only will you be saving money, but you’ll also be saving your energy! That means when you do eventually wake up you will be full of energy and richer in wealth. When a rich man wants to save money, he takes a nap.
If a burglar holds the intention of taking your money, one place they will definitely go is to the bank. And yet, the burglar and the banker are nearly indistinguishable from one another. Payments, financing, fractional reserve banking, manipulating exchange rates, fiat currency, usury, inflation, war, debt slavery, and making people wait are the tools of the international banking cartel. The banking system is designed to reward corrupt behavior.
“Let me issue and control a nation’s money and I care not who writes the laws.” – A banker
“Please wait for the next available teller.” -A banker