Earth will soon be passing through a massive nebula made of alcohol vapor causing people on the planet to experience effects similar to being blackout drunk for 4 years.
Professional scientists are working furiously on revolutionary technology that will allow people to counteract the intoxicating effects of alcohol with a simple surgery.
Scientists from all over the world are working together in an effort to develop nanotechnology (tiny robots) that will be injected into the human body to prevent intoxication.
Testing and developing this nanotechnology however is expensive and time consuming.
Earth’s scientists have been under intense pressure ever since the news of the cloud of space alcohol was announced this week.
Intense research hasn’t yet yielded the results that many in the scientific community were hoping for.
Nevertheless scientists continue to tirelessly work towards finding an effective solution.
Deactivating the effects of alcohol could have disastrous effects on several aspects of society.
Investigations reveal that comedy will be less funny, dates will be less interesting, and life will be more boring in general.
Discoveries also include increases in productivity, literacy, comprehension, and a large reduction in deaths caused by alcohol, but also a significant reduction in happiness and good stories to tell.
Nations were initially preparing for sustained partying due to the space alcohol, but once the technology to nullify the alcohol is available the party will indeed be over.
Testing is currently underway to create effective comedy aimed at sober audiences.
Koala bears were the first animals to undergo testing of the nanotechnology as their livers are similar to humans in the way they process alcohol.
Initial testing revealed that koala bears were reluctant to participate at first.
Luckily humans are much smarter than koala bears and scientists had little trouble capturing the small bears for experimental testing.
Lasers were used to create a small incision in the bear so that the nanobots could be injected directly into the bear’s liver.
Habitual drinkers are said to be very upset that the government’s of the world are trying to regulate their bodies.
Individual freedoms are very important and this technology will make it virtually impossible for humans to wilfully get drunk.
Many people choose to ingest alcohol to produce painkilling effects, fight insomnia, or produce a good story to tell their friends.
Saving lives at the expense of being interesting is a price that scientists are willing to pay.
Earthlings will no longer be able to use any flammable substances including fire, matches, lighters, and other objects that could possibly ignite the alcohol nebula for the indefinite future.
Luckily future generations will be spared by the sacrifices that we make today to save the planet.
Facing a threat of this magnitude is unprecedented and it can only be overcome by uniting humanity to ensure the survival of our species.