Comedy

How Serial Killers Can Help Save The Environment

There are an estimated 4000 serial killers operating in the United States alone, and that number is expected to surge in the next 15 years. This means that we’ll have more people than ever before who can help us fight climate change in practical and effective ways. Here are some ways that you can help save the environment if you’re a serial killer.

Stop using plastic at your crime scenes. Laying down a sheet of plastic may help protect you from the consequences of your crimes, but it wont protect the environment from the harmful plastic being used to keep your crime scene clean. Consider a renewable resource alternative such as a burlap sack or other natural linens that can be washed in cold water and reused. If you’re a serial killer, at least have the decency to be socially and environmentally conscious.

If you’re using a plastic sheet to keep your crime scene clean, then you’re probably also using plastic gloves to keep your fingerprints from appearing at the crime scene. This is a harmful practice that hurts our environment. Consider using woolen gloves, or gloves that are made of natural materials. Alternatively you could burn off your fingerprints and go gloveless.

Many serial killers are long-haul truckers, and many others drive gas guzzling vans. If serial killers began using mass transit and public transportation more often they could help reduce our global emissions. Bikes are also a great option for the killer on the go, but lack the storage space of a car, van, or truck. This makes them an option for serial killers who leave their victims at the scene of the crime, or have very little to carry with them. Consider doing a ride share if you’re a loner.

Reducing your carbon footprint is important because fighting climate change effectively relies on individuals doing their part. The term “serial killer” is defined by the dictionary as “a person who commits a series of murders, often with no apparent motive and typically following a characteristic, predictable behaviour pattern” which means that their footprint is carbon negative because they have killed more than one person. This makes them the unsung heroes in the fight against climate change. Having already achieved carbon negative status through murder, serial killers should now turn their attention towards saving the planet.

Why should serial killers choose to help us win the fight against climate change? Because if the world ends then there won’t be anyone here to serial kill. Conservation and preservation of life on this planet is extremely important.

What do you think?

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