Comedy

7 Things To Annoy You At A Live Sporting Event

1) Noisemakers
Noise is annoying. That’s why you’ve never scolded the neighborhood kids for being too quiet. So why are sporting events such hot beds for noise? There’s a guy banging a drum. There’s those plastic hands that smack together much faster than any person could ever possibly clap. There’s the scoreboard demanding more noise then pretending that it can’t hear the already deafening amounts of noise so you’ll generate what can only be described as a totally unnecessary amount of noise. That’s before we even factor in all the noise that the game you’re watching will create. At least golf is trying to get this right, but the thwack of the club against the ball and the polite clapping can still be annoying after 18 agonizing holes. Also, since golf is played outside, you’re dealing with the annoyance of noises from birds, cars and passing jet planes.

2) Rivalries
Don’t you have enough to focus on with your own personal rivalries without pulling an unrelated feud into your life? On top of that, is it really prudent for you to hate an entire city? If you ever need to do business with a company stationed in the hated nemesis city of your local sports team, you’ll find yourself in an awkward situation, torn between your loyalty to your team and your loyalty to having the basic necessities of life that only a job can pay for. A sports rivalry also means you’ll be smack dab in the middle of a crowd of 17,000+ people who are willing to head out in public with no shirt on and their faces painted. Very annoying.

3) Referees Stopping The Play
This thing is already like three hours long at a bare minimum. Can we move it along? All sports referees are guilty of this but football refs seems to be the biggest offenders. Before play even beings they’re stalling with a coin-flipping guessing game. Then almost immediately after play finally starts, the refs are throwing flags in the air like “Whoa! Let’s take a pause here. This game is going far too quickly. Let’s bring in some chains. We need to measure where this ball is in a really inconvenient way, the schedule of the people watching be damned!”. Then they have to go pick up their flags and you know they try and throw them as far away as possible so they take a really long time to get. At least the refs in wrestling give a damn about your time. They’re constantly pretending they don’t see infractions to move the match along. They know we haven’t got all day here. Wrestling refs respect efficient time management so much that if a ref is knocked out during a match, another ref will come RUNNING from backstage to count the pinfall lest the match last longer than it needs to.

4) Empty Seats
You’re paying $500 for the worst seats in the house and the ones right in the front are empty because rich dudes who already know that sports are annoying have bought them up to impress people who pay $500 for the worst seats in the house. There’s so many empty seats down there! That’s annoying. May as well head down, right? Sure, if you want to be humiliated when you’re bounced by a frail elderly woman who asks to see your tickets just when you thought you got away with it. If you had any hope of becoming a rich dude who could afford the seat you tried to sneak into, that’s all over now. The other rich dudes will never forget this embarrassing incident. Plus, now YOUR seats are empty too which will certainly add to the annoyance of anyone who is seated higher up than you were.

5) The Playoffs
The playoffs may be the most annoying aspect of sports. You’re annoyed if your team doesn’t make it. You’re annoyed if your team does make it and loses early. You’re annoyed if your team makes it all the way to the finals and then loses. The playoffs are annoying even if your team manages to emerge victorious to take home whatever trophy/ring/special jacket comes along with winning the finals of your sport of choice. Why? The city will inevitably be torn apart in the riot that is sure to follow. Since you decided (foolishly) to attend the game, you’ll likely be caught up in the epicenter of the mayhem, potentially leading to an annoying arrest, trial and conviction.

6) The Wave
Imagine you’ve somehow managed to block out ALL the annoyances that a live sporting event brings. You’re sitting back, ready to enjoy some touchdowns or homeruns or whatever it is that excites a tennis crowd, when suddenly a new annoyance rears it’s ugly head. Forced audience participation at the worst possible time. The Wave. You’re probably holding a hotdog, some nachos and however many beers they’ll legally sell you at one time and you’re now being asked to jump to your feet and throw both hands in the air as though you were caught robbing a convenience store? Don’t get comfortable though, you’ll be sitting down just as quickly as you stood. Okay. Good. That’s over with. Now to enjoy the gam….. And it’s coming around again. In fact, a “good” crowd can keep the wave going for the duration of the entire event.

7) Overtime
First the refs tried to extend how long this would take and now the game itself has decided it needs another couple of hours to wrap things up? No. I’m annoyed. Enough is enough.

What do you think?

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