1) Take the butter to a spa and treat it to a hot-stone massage.
Make it a couples massage and you can enjoy one yourself while waiting for your butter to soften at the hands of a professional.

2) Catch the flu.
Your temperature will begin to rise once you catch the flu, which means all you have to do is hold the butter. You’ll feel chills from the sickness, but also from how quickly your butter softens up when you have a fever.

3) Live by an active volcano.
Let your butter rest beside a lava flow to achieve butter so smooth you could drink it from a cup.

4) Good old-fashioned fire.
Whether you have a fireplace, a campfire, or a barrel under a bridge you’ll have all of your butter softening desires fulfilled with this tried and true method of butter softening, and the smoke will give your butter a dignified flavour.

5) Read it poetry.
Make that butter melt just like your heart with some rhyming words of love, Walt Whitman style.

6) Take your butter to the beach.
If it’s a sunny day then take your butter with you and let it soften while you enjoy some fun in the sun. Just watch out for the birds and other beach creatures coming after your butter as it softens. Even sharks will come after your butter as sharks can detect one drop of butter in 25 gallons (100 litres) of water, and they can sense even a little butter from up to 7 kilometers away according to some legends. Speaking of sharks…

7) Get it in trouble.
Transfer your gambling debt to your butter and let the loan sharks work it over for a while. Instead of breaking your legs, they’ll take their frustrations out on your butter leaving you with a smooth soft heap of well beaten butter.

What do you think?

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