Here is a handy list of 7 things you should never put inside of your fridge.
The fridge may seem like a convenient place to store your pets when you’re not enjoying their company. It’s a cool air-conditioned environment which they’d appreciate in the hot summer months, and it’s dark which is perfect for any nocturnal creatures. But make no mistake, your pets are not something you should put inside of your fridge. You can’t trust your roommates with your leftovers so what makes you think you can trust your pets. And all that beer will soon be gone once they get inside. Never put your pets inside of your fridge.
- Mannequin Heads
You’re a moderately successful seamstress who often uses mannequins when designing your outfits, but you have no need for the heads and they’re taking up space. Rather than throw out a perfectly good mannequin head (wasteful) you decided to store them in your fridge! But when company arrives and they reach into your fridge to grab that soda you offered them they recoil in horror. Next thing you know you’re answering uncomfortable questions and being compared to a serial killer when you were just maximizing your storage space, and offering a drink to your guests like the polite host you are. Never put mannequin heads inside of your fridge.
So the sitter cancelled on you and you’re left wondering what to do. You’ll only be out for a couple of hours, and you know that your child lacks the ability to open the fridge from the inside which makes it the safest place to put them, right? Wrong. Once inside of the fridge children quickly become acclimated to the cool temperature. Taking them anywhere warm then becomes a nightmare as they cry, complain, and ruin the general atmosphere of wherever you are. They’ll constantly be asking to watch that popular children’s cartoon movie about the ice witch, and singing that annoying song about not holding onto things, until they’re back in the fridge again. Never put children inside of your fridge.
We all know that underwear fresh out of the dryer feels great to put on, so you might think that underwear fresh out of the fridge would feel great too, right? Well yes it does… but just because it feels good doesn’t make it right. This is something you should avoid precisely because it feels great. If you start down this dark path of keeping your undies in the fridge where does that lead you? We’ll tell you where, soon you’ll be putting shirts, pants, even hats into the fridge as you try to “chase the snowman”. Soon your fridge will be full of clothes and your closet will be empty. Never put underwear inside of your fridge.
You may think that having cold hard cash in your fridge is a good idea, but it’s actually a terrible one. You lose storage space for your food. If you spill food on your cash then you have to clean it. If you spill fluids on your cash then the bills stick together. Your cash doesn’t accumulate any interest while it’s inside of your fridge, though it will gain interest if someone sees cash inside of your fridge. Stick to e-transfers to avoid this chilly outcome. Never put cash inside of your fridge.
- Lucky items
You’ve heard of coolers at casinos for a reason, the cold ruins luck. People have worse luck in the cold as evidenced by the increase in slips and falls during winter months. Car accidents increase, heat bills go up, and ice falls from the sky. The days are short and cold, and the nights are long and cold. Gamblers retreat to their dens for hibernation, hoping that they’ve stored up enough luck to get through the winter. Keep your rabbit’s feet, your lucky tokens, and your lucky numbers as far away from the icebox as you can. Never put lucky items inside of your fridge.
Some people think that it’s okay to use their fridge as a place to store their gun. A gun is sometimes referred to as a “heater”. This nickname alone should tell you that a gun is something that doesn’t belong in your fridge. Some people have a fridge with a combination lock, which technically makes your fridge a safe, which is by definition a safe space to store your gun providing that you’re the only person with the combination and that you store your ammo separately. But be wary of putting a gun in your fridge, especially if it’s your lucky gun. Never put a gun inside of your fridge.
Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go find a place for all of the things I found in my fridge.